Vegan Baked Potato w/Store bought sour cream-I need therapy now

So for comparison I saw that they have sour cream -vegan sour cream-at the grocer's, so I thought "Ok, I should try it to see." I mean as posted previously,  I made some homemade and it was good, but maybe the company made store bought would be even better. 

I was very excited. Now I didn't stick to SOS-(no Salt, Oil or Sugar) because I did grease the skin of the potato with olive oil before baking in the oven. It's truly the only way I like baked potatoes, when the skins get crunchy-the microwave just doesn't cut it.

So I let it bake for an hour, then once done, I rolled the potato in some kosher salt. Kosher salt being the coarse salt so the salt crystals are pretty big. Typically you get a potato like this when you eat at a seafood restaurant or a steak joint, and it's the BEST.

Once baked, I cut open the potato, smear it with "MELT"-the vegan butter, then put a dollop of the vegan sour cream on top. I chop up some fresh chives and dig in.

AWFUL. First of all, the sour cream itself seemed 'grainy.' I don't know how else to explain it other than it was slightly lumpy. Now it did have a better consistency than the sour cream I made, but I screwed up and bought the wrong kind of tofu. They didn't have 'medium firm' at my store, so I bought the 'silken' kind which has the consistency of yogurt but once you add the vinegar and salt it became more like a smoothie. So that was my bad, and I know if I had the right tofu it would've been just like sour cream. Anyway........

I don't even know how to describe the taste of this 'sour cream' but I can assure you, it didn't taste anything like sour cream. It tasted like nasty soy. It tasted like it had a disease in it.

 It didn't even have a 'sour' to it, there was no 'tang' to it, no salt or anything. While the label had a bunch of ingredients, I am assuming most of them was to make the consistency that it has. However, the resemblance to sour cream ended promptly right there.

It was bad enough on top of the potato (and thank God I didn't totally smother the thing with this soy-ish weird ass paste) but when I tasted it off the spoon-just to make sure it was the sour cream and not something wrong with the potato, or maybe the mix of it with the "melt"- I damn near gagged.

Is it this brand, is there a decent store-obtained sour cream? I don't know and I no longer care because there is no way in hell will I ever buy it again. To add insult to injury-this shit ain't cheap. Sour cream isn't very cheap either, the average cost being around 2.00 but this stuff was 2.99 for a medium-sized. I mean look at the picture, it's 3.00 for that little container.

I was so pissed that I felt I had to salvage my potato. So I sauteed up some Portabello mushrooms and I did it in REAL butter. That's right, fuck it-REAL butter. Consider it the "10% badness" that I'm allowed to have in my diet. They, along with the fresh chives, turned a terrible potato into an edible one.

Yes. This shit was SO BAD that it set me into a 'relapse'. It made me passive-aggressive and angry that I ended up going back and sliding back into a slippery-slope animal fat abyss. Yes, I had a reaction to this. It wasn't logical, it wasn't rational, but the flash in my mind was if I had to eat this kind of terrible substitute to keep my heart healthy for the rest of my life, I'd rather have another heart attack and not make it. Ok that is extreme-but that's how awful awful this was to me. Just not even right. Not even CLOSE to sour cream.

I also don't understand why the Melt "butter" didn't taste all that great on the potato but it didn't. The stuff is good. I have spread it on bread and used it in other ways and it was as good as butter, but in this situation-hell to the no.

If you don't want to do butter I get it, I do-it's animal and that's ok. But I'd put some olive oil or something. I do have some Butter Buds but I'm not sure I want to go through this again. I'm sorta traumatized having a shitty baked potato. I don't think I've ever had a shitty baked potato in my life until now.

Clearly, some things just can't be replicated. The classic baked potato with butter and sour cream/chives is one of them. In my opinion. Now the homemade sour cream would work. I could probably handle that. So MAYBE-maybe I will make another baked potato and try it with the Butter Buds and with the homemade sour cream. But it'll be like 6 months from now, if not a year. I think I may need that long to forget about the taste of this gotdamn potato. Yeah so this sour cream was easily the Carob of sour cream. Avoid. At. All. Cost.