Well who put peas in your guacamole??

In case you haven't seen, there's a new 5 minute Internet controversy. Probably not as big of a deal as 'the dress'-but has generated enough attention that even President Obama has chimed in on it.

Obama listens to NO peas

Evidently, someone at the New York Times-a food blogger perhaps, I don't know (details are in the link)-review a guacamole that had the addition of green peas added to it (as well as sunflower seeds for garnish.) On the Twitter that sparked outraged -I mean you would've thought she served it with a Confederate flag napkin or something-she said "Peas in guacamole, trust us." As in, 'This shit is GOOD, yo."

Apparently many did not think so as they took to the social media gauntlet and began to socially crucify said adulteration of guac. It doesn't quite come across as pissing in cornflakes but it sure seems some people are finding great offense to it. Which brings me to the point of THIS post: The obnoxiousness of food comments.

It's almost enough to have me consider disabling comments on the recipes I'll be posting (and have posted) because it's ridiculous. Have you ever typed in a food to find a recipe, end up at "food network" or "all recipes" or somebodies' food blog, only to read the comments and reviews and essentially-everyone has changed the gotdamn recipe and then commenting on the original one???? Yeah these trolls sound something like this:

"Well this Stuffed Pork Chop recipe was pretty good, except that my husband HATES bread and mushrooms so I totally omitted the stuffing. Otherwise, the pork turned out well."

"This veggie stew looked so good in the picture, I just had to make it but since I am a diabetic, those yellow and sweet potatoes were way too starchy for me. So I left those out and instead I added spaghetti squash. Also I sub'd the tomato sauce with ketchup. It turned out pretty good, we will make again."

"The bbq sauce recipe here was just too spicy for my kid's taste. I kept out the chilis and instead I added chocolate chips. Turned out fabulous, THANKS!"

" I am allergic to wheat, eggs, peanuts, gluten, sugar, flour and vanilla, they all make it really difficult for me to breathe. But these oatmeal cookies turned out just fine once I just put in some bologna and a dash of grape jelly. I gained 5 lbs in a day eating too many they were so good!"

You get the picture. Thing is-people have a point. You CANNOT please every palate. I know there are some people who do follow a recipe to the exact t-and in fact get pissy if you don't even put an EXACT measurement, and they are as obnoxious as the people who completely alter a dish. Here's the philosophy that I love (and it's not mine. It's Auntie Fee's. Auntie Fee cooks with lard and butter and cheese and ham and all the shit I won't mention here to make, but I will link you to it because hysterical. And you never know when you just might have to cave and try her self-proclaimed "Dumb Ass Mac and Cheese, dumb means so good". )

Anyway, Auntie Fee will tell you-"It's your shit." That's right. It's YOUR food. Hey, I get it. You're genetically programmed to find cilantro to taste like soap, so you hate it. Cool. USE SOMETHING ELSE. I generally recommend Italian flat leaf parsley (not the curly garnishy kind) in lieu of cilantro, but I mean, IT'S YOUR FOOD. Put whatever the hell you want.

That goes for spices, herbs, ingredients, preferences. What my stuff I post does, is gives you a foundation. Hopefully it'll turn you on to some foods that you've heard about but are very unsure (maybe even ascared of, like Quinoa) -which is pronounced KEEN-WAAH. But you don't have to follow anything I put to a t, PLEASE feel free to alter it any way you see or deem fit. I just don't know if I gotta hear about it. If you are exceptionally proud however and feel that it's something the world MUST know-but you don't want to start your own blog about food, then yeah okay use me as a platform. But I'm not looking for keyboard Iron Chefs here. I don't really care if you don't like this because of that, or that doesn't work for you, or 'Fuck you Lisa Renee, I used REAL ASS CHEESE'-I mean it's your palate, it's your life, they are your arteries, it's all good. It truly is all about you. Hell, even my Italian grandmother could never be pinned down to give EXACT measurements. You use as much or as little oregano as you want. Taste as you go!

So if you don't like peas in your guacamole-don't put fucking peas in your guacamole. This isn't rocket surgery folks. It could possibly be that the incredible amount of blood pressure meds I am on have now mellowed me out to such a degree that I really only rant about pertinent, real world problems (like people on recipe boards, commenting and shit, I mean, THAT'S legit right there to be all bent out of shape over) HOWEVER-haters are gonna hate. Just beware that if you hate too much, I'll comment right back and we can have a hate fest of Internet back and forth aggression taking-out on because really, nobody does truly care about peas in quac, do they???  Please watch the video that made Auntie Fee famous (Disclaimer: NSFW) LANGUAGE. Oh lawrd dear God the language......