Thursday, July 2, 2015

What the f*ck is Gluten, and why should stuff be free of it???

A, it shouldn't.

Gluten is a protein- a mix of a couple of proteins that is, and it's found in some cereal grains. "These include barley, bulgur, cereal binding, couscous, durum, einkorn, emmer, filler, farro, graham flour, kamut, malt, malt extract, malt flavoring, malt syrup, rye, semolina, spelt, triticale, wheat, wheat bran, wheat germ, wheat starch, and oats that are not labeled "Gluten Free" because they have been contaminated by gluten in the field or in the processing plant.
Follow this link for more: What has gluten in it?

You should recognize above stuff like 'durum, semolina, couscous-because that's typically what pasta is made from. Graham flour yields graham crackers, malt-liquors and the stuff that turns a milkshake into a malt.....and we all know about wheat. So what's the freaking deal with it, anyway??

The deal is, people are damn lazy and want a quick fix. Lots of obese people don't feel like changing their diets, lots of depressed and lazy people don't feel like exercising. This problem is cyclical of course-when you are tired, depressed-it makes you lazy-and all of that will make you obese. When you are obese-you become more tired, depressed and lazy.

Therefore, when people feel like shit-they really don't want to have to work at changing their lifestyles. I get it, and not trying to be judgy-I didn't want to change mine,either. So if somebody told me that the only thing I had to do was avoid this one ingredient-and suddenly all kinds of foods came out stating they no longer had this ingredient-I'd totally be down with that. After all, why really investigate why you feel like crap when you can self-diagnose, buy some new bread and call it a brand new you?

Unfortunately-it's bullshit, and of course Madison Ave. is more than happy to continue to sell you on your pipe dream of "It's the GLUTEN" making your life a steaming pile of shit. It isn't.

Only 1% of the population is truly gluten intolerant in the name of Celiac disease. If they eat gluten, it literally starts to destroy their intestines. This is probably NOT you, and can't be diagnosed by you Googling your way to WebMD-it can only be diagnosed by biopsy and by qualified specialist (i.e., a gastroenterologist.)

There are people who are sensitive to gluten, meaning they eat it and they end up with diarrhea or bloatedness or other symptoms of celiac disease, but their intestines are NOT being destroyed. Again, it's a tough call whether it's really the gluten or whether it's the 1000 other things in your diet that suck-things like aspartame for instance. Maybe you only eat 2 vegetables a week. Maybe the veggies you do eat come out of a can, with the nutrients cooked right out of them as they now soak in their own Dead Sea because the salt content is so high. Maybe you don't exercise enough, you don't sleep enough, you drink too much or your Xanax is upsetting your intestinal flora. There could be many, MANY reasons why you feel like crap and cutting out gluten only may help you improve, because in doing so you are cutting out some shitty empty calories, added sugars and carbs that wreck havoc with the endocrine system in your body.

This all said, the above link goes into better detail as to why jumping on the gluten-free bandwagon may not be the best trend du jour after all. Not to mention-its annoying as hell, all this 'gluten-free' labeling.

 My roommate bought himself some lunch meat and a new mustard-a horseradish mustard.
I love horseradish so of course I head for reading the label, sure that I would be disappointed that there's probably some kind of oil or sugars in there but to my happy amazement-nope, no oils, salt OR sugars, hooray! However in small print under all the ingredients read: Gluten-free.

SOMEBODY TELL ME WHAT IN ALL HELL IS GOING ON HERE? IS THIS LITIGATIVE CUISINE NOW? WHEN THE HELL WOULD THERE EVER BE GLUTEN IN MUSTARD????

Which lead to me to believe that this mustard maker is either trying to cover their ass (USA, home of the CYA) That's right....not the CIA, the CYA as in "Cover Your Ass"-because what, somebody might eat this mustard, claim a reaction and sue because "it must have gluten in it!" so they better label it 'gluten-free', even though the very people who truly need to avoid gluten would KNOW what the fuck 'gluten' is and they would know that it WOULD NEVER BE FOUND IN MUSTARD.

It's everywhere like a plague. I'm just waiting for it. Toothpaste marked 'gluten-free.' Shampoo marked 'gluten free'. An intake manifold for the car 'gluten-free'. Gasoline for the car marked on the pumps "Gluten Free".  I mean Jesus H. Is gluten going to become an endangered species??

But just what the hell is in gluten-free bread then, since traditional bread flours are made of all the ingredients listed above? Now the breads are made with STARCH. Which is a bunch of empty calories and carbs and also plays games with the glucose/insulin levels of the body, especially with added sugars.

(Now I'm not a chemist but I have made homemade bread. It's been years but I've made it. I can't remember but I want to say that you did need a little sugar in with the yeast to make the dough. Don't quote me on this, I may be tripping. In that instance I would say that it's appropriate to have some sugar if in fact it is necessary to create culinary physics that alchemy the ingredients into bread, but there's the need and then there's excess for taste and that American palate we've discussed before.)

Do it yourself Gluten test: Eat pastas made with veggies and quinoa or rice. FYI; I love the people who eat gluten free but proceed to suck down beer. If you give up gluten then you need to give up beer. HELLO, if you drink some beers on the weekend then you are not on a 'gluten-free' diet and that also included certain whiskeys, duh. Maybe your problem instead is that you are a damn alcoholic so to truly ascertain whether gluten is a 'thing' with you, you must avoid it in any and all form, including liquid. Stop eating bread. Classic pastas.  Do this for 2 weeks. Avoid ALL gluten for 2 weeks. Then re-introduce it into your diet. If you then become gassy or bloated or diarrhea or heartburn or constipation then perhaps you are really sensitive and should avoid it. Otherwise I would suggest just eating it in small amounts. Moderation. Evidently we were not designed to really digest gluten, and the ancient wheats of yesteryear-I'm talking Biblical wheats-didn't have it......our current wheat is 'gmo' before GMO was a thang.

So beware the gluten trend. It won't be long before we are advised by the medical community and food scientist that avoiding all gluten is bad. Remember when 'fat' was a demon and in the late 80's, everything started going 'fat-free'? There were all kinds of bad health effects from that-people's hair started falling out, their skin dried out, they started going crazy-having no fat or cholesterol in the diet was really making people sick. I don't think the elimination of gluten itself will make people sick, it's the products that are substituting the gluten that will cause the harm.

Eat breads and pastas and cereals sparingly anyway. There are plenty of other non-gluten grains that are far more nutritious that offer proteins and fiber and vitamins and minerals than the ones gluten is prevalent in. I hear bread made with potato flour is pretty tasty, so I will have to make a loaf and see. Otherwise, the occasional flat bread like Naan or pita is a better alternative to that Styrofoam stuff they call sliced bread in stores anyway (but many veggie type people swear by Ezekiel breads) . The healthiest bread on the planet


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